Words matter. Some studies show that as much as 93% of communication effectiveness is determined by nonverbal elements (body language, tone, inflection, and pace of speech), and that only 7% is determined by actual word choice.
And, words matter.
Do you remember that conversation when your coworker or boss said: “I love your idea/thought/suggestion/approach/proposal, BUT……..”?
Do you remember that time you were ready to go to the event, and your significant other/spouse said: “Honey, you look great, BUT……”?
Words matter. “BUT” really matters. Those three letters have such semantic force, that they can completely eradicate every positive word and all the positive intent you had in your message. “BUT” reverses the entire point of the discussion. So, if your approach is to try to pump someone up, or to accentuate the positive before providing constructive criticism, there are more effective ways.
Try “AND,” as a building block. For example, “I love your idea/thought/suggestion/approach/proposal, AND, what do you think would be the impact if we…” or “Honey, you look great, and the striped shirt really accents the feature of…”
“Yes, AND” as opposed to “Yes, BUT.” Minor shift in words. Huge semantic and emotional impact.
Andrew Freedman, Principal at entreQuest, specializes in helping eQ’s clients grow by creating well aligned company cultures and strategies that result in remarkable client and employee experiences.
