Gratitude or Obligation - What’s the REAL difference?
I hate to start this post off on a negative tone, but bear with me… As a society, people seem to be so focused on what is missing, what we don’t have, and what is wrong – yet we live in a time that has never been so ripe for giving, for contribution, for positive change, and for building a legacy of impact.
Think about it – have you heard any of the following (or, similar permutations) recently?
• I can’t believe he didn’t…
• Why don’t they ever…
• When am I going to get…
• It really irritates me when she…
Now, I’m not going to hit you with ‘when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!’, but it is worth recognizing how important one’s mindset is to success and fulfillment.
This isn’t about positive self-talk. This is about reality thinking and practicing gratitude.
Reality thinking is when you consciously honor the doubt you have, and ask introspective questions. For example:
• When going on that big sales call, ask yourself, “Why wouldn’t I enroll this new client?” In moments of honest reflection, examine gaps and deficiencies, so you can be mindful about closing them; AND, what you will likely find, no matter what the potential ‘reasons’ are, that you can overcome every one of them.
• When you have the discussion with the new potential employer, ask yourself , “Why wouldn’t I get this job?” In moments of honest reflection, examine gaps and deficiencies, you can close those gaps, as well; AND, if appropriate, deal with these items head on during the interview, so your self-awareness and integrity shine.
Gratitude is acknowledging how fortunate you are – every day. You have an opportunity to change lives with every interaction. You’ve never had the opportunity to love more than you do right now; to contribute more than you do right now; to give more than you do right now. Are you?
I’ve had the privilege of being a ‘BIG’ in the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program in Maryland for eight years now. My little (who is actually now taller than me), Ty, is an amazing young man. I’ve known him since he was 10, and recently had the pleasure of watching him graduate high school. What an amazing accomplishment, given some of the obstacles that he and his family have faced. Many people tell me what a great thing I’m doing by being in Ty’s life, and I’m sure that is true. Also true is that I’m selfish – because I love the way it feels when I see him smile, or accomplish something, or progress through school, or take on a new sport – and selfish as it is, I also feel such a sense of gratitude that I’m even in the position to give him some of myself – my experience, my happiness, my perspective, so he may be the man he wishes to be.
Here is a key distinction – I don’t HAVE to spend time with him. I GET to spend time with him; and everything you do every day – you GET to do it (your job, changing diapers, taking out the trash, walking the dog, working on that stressful project – that’s right – you don’t HAVE to do any of those things)
Consider your perspective as you go through the next few days after reading this, and see where your head is: HAVE TO or GET TO? Gratitude or scarcity and obligation?
I read this Lao Tzu quote a while back, and it always stuck with me. Maybe it will with you, as well:
"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions; Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character; Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."
Andrew Freedman, Principal at entreQuest, specializes in helping eQ’s clients grow by creating well aligned company cultures and strategies that result in remarkable client and employee experiences.
