“You are almost there!” I said. “Just a bit further….you’ve got this!”
At the time, I didn’t realize the impact of that little lie.
I was serving as a race volunteer for a 10k run (a bit in excess of 6.2miles), and was handing out water with 1.5 miles left. Some of the runners were on cruise control, clearly having completed runs like this, and longer, in the past. But, there were also many runners who had never completed a run of this distance before. Some of them came out for the cause. Some came out for the personal achievement and milestone.
It didn’t dawn on my how much of an impact my lie had on the runners in the latter groups until I ran my first half marathon.
For many, running 13.1 miles is a breeze. For me, it was a really big deal. I had never officially run more than 3.2 miles (5k). This run was rather hilly, and I clearly remember a point when my calves were cramping and I just wanted to give up - and then, I heard those four magical words, “You are almost there!” I had a surge of energy and hope - I could do this. Then, reality struck. I saw the sign for mile marker 10. Wait. What? I had 3.1 miles to go? That almost equaled my longest official run before this half marathon! I was so angry. (I probably should have been angry at myself for not preparing more properly, but that is another story.) How dare that race volunteer lie to me! Didn’t he know the mental and physical strain and strife I was experiencing? Didn’t he understand the impact of that false hope? Oh, man. I had done the same thing, just a few years before. The acknowledgement hit me right in the face. I really thought I was helping those runners, just as this man thought he was helping me. The reality was that each of us did more damage than good.
See, a healthy dose of honesty, authenticity and straight talk would have served us better. Isn’t this always the truth?
We can try to convince ourselves otherwise, postulating how it is helpful, when the reality is many people are just uncomfortable with honesty that may sting a little. Heck, it may have the impact of the falling piano from the Road Runner cartoons. Guess what though, straight talk let’s people know exactly where they are at the moment and what they need to do to reach and exceed their goals; to WIN.
Why tell it any other way than how it is? Why not say - “I know it hurts; I know you are struggling, but you want this. You’ve trained for this, you CAN do this…you WILL do this.” There’s nothing wrong with positive affirmation, but get real, damn it.
Think about your business. We talk about this all the time at eQ. We pride ourselves on honesty, authenticity, and giving it to people straight. Anything less doesn’t serve them, or us, very well.
If a client has a tough road ahead, we let them know what we believe it’ll take to win. Some, when they get that dose of reality, confess they don’t know if they can see it through. Some opt out immediately. Some immediately relish the challenge and are ready to meet the effort head on. Here’s the thing - when we tell it like it is we can have a great dialogue, and regardless of the outcome everyone feels whole, having made the best decision possible given all the information at hand. We are aligned, collaborative, thoughtful, and powerful together. When we have misaligned expectations, that “race” ends in undue pain and strife, and is typically accompanied by blame. You can imagine how great that is for our personal and professional relationships.
So, the next time you are about to tell someone they’re “almost there” check your story and your gut: are you really setting that person, and yourself, up for success?
