I'm a sucker for a great line, especially when put to equally great music. Fred Neil hit the Exacta Box with his Grammy Award-winning song (for Vocal Performance by Harry Nilsson), "Everybody's Talkin'." Nilsson's version of the song was featured in the Oscar-winning movie, Midnight Cowboy. Its hauntingly plaintive aspiration to "go where the sun keeps shining through the pouring rain...where the weather suits my clothes" can be heard as charmingly naïve or downright sad.
We come to understand that these beautiful lyrics express a desire but lack commitment. They're reflective of the challenge we see so many organizational leaders face in wanting to better engage their teams while struggling to invite that engagement through collaboration versus leadership by lecture.
For these leaders to be aware of and empathic to people still not "getting it"... though the leaders have said "it"... likely more than once, can be a tall order. These leaders are eager for their people to "get it" and (apologies to Nike) just do it.
The first step here is to help leaders acknowledge that one-way messaging only gets you so far, and your people are proving through their actions or inactions that there's still a need and opportunity to connect effectively. Rather than just hammer away at a topic, we can invite our team into the conversation. If it's just us droning on, saying the same thing again, it feels like everyone is just talking at us. At that point, it's a good bet that we've stopped hearing them in a meaningful way. So how do we pivot to a better form of interaction?
While Nilsson might prescribe us to “put the lime in the coconut and mix it all up,” my recommendation is a little different: the antidote to the “Everybody’s Talkin’” syndrome is turning your words into questions. Here are a few that can help shape someone’s understanding, engagement, and ability to act effectively:
• Point of Entry – “We laid out a plan for business development moving forward that depends on each of us contributing in a variety of ways. How do you see yourself helping us be successful moving forward?”
• Building a Complete Approach – “I agree those things make sense. I’d add, it’s critical you also include X, Y, and/or Z. What would be most helpful to you/what resources do you need in order to handle those areas effectively?”
• Seeking Alignment – “I understand and appreciate your perspective; where I really need your help now is in these areas in which you can create value better than anyone else. What can I do to support your success in this effort?”
As always, find your own words to frame and phrase each aspect of engagement and add questions appropriately. It’s useful to approach these conversations as collaborative rather than as quizzes. Some word choices that suggest you might be more in the testing mindset than is preferred include “What is your understanding of…?” or “What did you learn from/about…?”
The Neil lyric “Everybody’s talkin’ at me, I don’t hear a word they’re sayin’…” concludes with “Only the echoes of my mind.” As a leader, we want others to hear our voice and have that voice continue to resonate as they evolve into people who know, own, and drive the elements of what will make us into a high performing organizations and help keep us there. Ironically, to be heard more, we have to say less … and – to get that last "mile" to actionable clarity, what we say should most often be phrased in the form of a question.
