Have you ever called someone and your intent was to help but clearly they weren’t looking for it? The call is your check-in and it starts out like, “Hey. How are you? What’s new? Last time we talked you were going through some ‘stuff.’ How are you now?” Keep in mind, “last time” the conversation consisted of you making suggestions for how he could improve his experience with a coworker and he said he was going to take your suggestions into consideration SLASH do something.
So now it’s “next time.” It turns out that person didn’t take your advice and now he is whining about his situation … again. Are you scratching your head yet?
Why are they complaining when they are the one who has the power to change? We control our destiny – no one else. So what now?
Here at eQ we dissect issues by asking questions – lots of them! Why? Glad you asked. See, you’re getting the hang of inquiring already!
In this instance we would ask why this person hasn’t tried the suggestions we made. If they do not share a good reason, we’ll dig deeper. HOLD UP – are you wondering what qualifies as good? Everyone is going to have their own perspective and own interpretation of what good is, but it’s important to know what good looks like for you, if you want to get clear on where you want to go. We recommend you start with the end in mind. So, if you know what a good reason looks like when everything is said and done, then you’re getting somewhere. You can poke holes at the excuses or practice some empathy where appropriate.
But, let’s pretend he doesn’t give you a good reason. Instead when asked, he says hasn’t followed up with the coworker to tell him how he’s feeling and to let him know how that coworker’s actions are affecting his day. You’re puzzled. I thought he worked for an organization committed to its values, that’s rallied behind the same mission, which should mean, open conversations like the one that needs to take place are not shied away from.
Unfortunately, all too often, this kind of thing happens. Organizations say they welcome open honest communication, but their employees (the executives included) don’t feel comfortable entering in a space of deliberately honest dialogue.
The solution: lean on the values.
Most every company has a set of established values they adhere to, even if they aren’t always front-of-mind. The first step is to move these values to a position where they are front-of-mind. Weave the values into conversations with the staff, hang them up on walls for everyone to see, the important thing is that they are discussed, and regularly.
If a company valued honesty, and I mean truly valued honesty, than the man in our example above wouldn’t be so hesitant to approach his co-worker and address his issues. The values need to be reinforced and demonstrated by the leadership team. If not, then it’s unlikely anyone will feel comfortable enough until they see their superiors living the values too.
And, for those people who can’t seem to align themselves with the values, perhaps it’s time they move on. Everyone, and I mean everyone needs to be on the same page when it comes to your values and your vision for the future.
