In the movie classic, Animal House, Dean Wormer advises Flounder, “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” That’s pretty harsh; but, beyond the comedic effect, the encouragement to participate in one’s own success is sound advice. It could just be my advancing age and dawning crotchety-ness (my daughter is laughing that this is “dawning”), but I’m persuaded this hyper electronically-connected era in which we live is contributing to a supremely disconnected real-world environment.
True, there always have been mall walkers and car drivers who just meander or stop suddenly without any sense that someone is behind them. Today’s smart-phone enhanced version of that is the guy driving a stick shift while drinking a coffee and talking on his phone while turning left (seriously – all hands, no hands), or the grocery shopper who must get on the phone (held to the ear of course – no more distracting than bluetooth…right, AAA) before backing out of her space…without looking!
Those are just the public nuisances. Much more concerning is the office mate who emails you from down the hall about something much more easily discussed and resolved face-to-face that only involves taking 20 short steps. There’s also the manager, or leader, who’s so busy responding to email that she is too busy to share a heads-up about a new assignment; or regularly connect about what’s going well and what can be even better. We sometimes advise our clients to choose to “bend time”, partly by adopting the mindset that there is enough time to do what matters. Similarly, being more aware, largely, is a matter of choice. Just as walking down the street with your eyes cast down upon your phone screen instead of ahead and around you is a choice. So is the more figurative failure to open one’s eyes and ears to those around you, and to those things that are important to them, affecting them, and so on.
Ask yourself these questions:
• Does it feel good when someone asks you how you are and shows genuine interest in your answer?
• How do you feel when you ask someone to fill you in on a trip they just took or an important event?
In my experience, being able to connect with people feels good, and we often learn things we may never have known – some just interesting, and some truly valuable. The other day at the gym, I’m peddling away to nowhere on a stationary bike and the guy next to me taps me on the shoulder. A tremendous goal had just been scored in an English Premier League match, and he’d noticed I was wearing some EPL gear and wanted to make sure I’d seen it. We ended up talking for 20 minutes about sports. It was a fun conversation and brightened my day. Plus, now there’s one more person at the gym I can address by name.
I’m really fortunate to be part of a team of people at eQ who – as busy as we all are – cares about each other. We talk about all kinds of things. Knowing who you work with unleashes a power of connection and insight that can pay all sorts of dividends ranging from the practical to the spiritual, with no one thing outweighing another. Being aware isn’t just about being polite, or courteous, or even pragmatic. Engagement is an all-encompassing goal that requires a full-out effort leveraging interest, curiosity, compassion, vulnerability, and more. The commitment to being fully engaged is the antithesis of and the antidote for going through life benignly – not being impacted and not having an impact.
To avoid Flounder’s fate – or anything remotely like it, there are a few simple things you can try:
We never got there.
• Be a greeter—Establish a routine if not a ritual of welcoming people to their day, to your space, or into your conversation. This requires actions as simple as making eye contact with someone in the elevator, on the train, or in the hallway and saying “good morning” and wishing them a great day. If you’re chatting with someone and a colleague comes by, physically adjust your stance to include one more person in your group. You’re now more in touch.
• Be a meeter—Get out and about. Participate in relevant networking or professional organizations. Volunteer for an organization that does work you care about, be passionate about something outside of work. Each of these, and all of these, better connect you, ground you, and give you depth. Not every organization has figured out the direct and significant benefit that developing the whole self has on the top and bottom line. However, it seems more are discovering this…often because smart folks like you don’t wait around to be asked, they just do. When leaders identify common themes they’re seeing in top performers and get data on high performing companies, they join the party…better late(r) than never.
• Be a seeder—Nothing says you’re aware and connected better than being a mentor and sowing the seeds of the next generation of high performance and leadership. And being a mentor feeds the soul. If formal mentorship isn’t an option, you still can have a huge impact by being available to people and supporting their efforts and success. It’s essentially being a mensch. Being a good person and a contributor to your community because that’s what you do.
Consider the relative ease and accessibility of doing a couple of things noted above and tell me that being oblivious isn’t a choice. You really can’t. I invite you to choose engagement. There are an infinite number of great movie lines about being able to accomplish something. Pick your favorite and get to work on achieving your mission of connectedness to the right things.
When you do, you feel great about making a difference, and you’ll avoid being described by a paraphrased line from the Toy Story movies character, Buzz Lightyear, who might say about you, “To Oblivion and Beyond!”
