No word captures the essence of defeat like failure.
No one ever wants to think of themself as a failure, let alone admit publicly they are one …
No one except me.
I am a failure. And I don’t know why we try to hide our failures like they’re skeletons in a closet. Failure doesn’t have to be viewed as a disaster; it is equal part opportunity.
As someone who operates in the business world, my failure (ironically) is: I am a failed business school student. Actually, since I’d like to think this blog has a lot to do about honesty, I didn’t fail out of business school … I failed to get in to business school.
I was a student at the University of Maryland where I attempted to enroll into the rather prestigious Smith School of Business (ranked 21st in the nation), and got rejected. Like just about everyone, I don’t take rejection all that well, and this was no exception. To make things worse … I didn’t have much of a plan B either.
Recently, in light of reading several books by Nassim Taleb, I’ve come to equate (probably incorrectly in terms of its true meaning) this failure in my life with a Black Swan Event. A Black Swan is something that is either hard-to-predict or completely out of the realm of possibility, and that’s exactly what not getting into the program was for me – totally out of the realm of possibility. I never accounted for the potential of failure, which in itself is another failure on my part.
Two failures for the price of one.
Failure can be a crushing experience, and I nearly let mine become exactly that. I became so wrapped up in “what wasn’t” when I should have been looking at my situation from the perspective of “what might be?” It took some time, but ultimately I resolved to keep pursuing success in business … by studying history.
It may sound crazy, but that was my area of study – history of the ancient Mediterranean. And, while I believe I learned more studying history than I would have studying business (perhaps a subject for a later discussion), I did windup learning many important lessons that I think all business leaders need to know about failure:
• Your failure doesn’t define you. Failure, as I said earlier, isn’t always so bad. You don’t have to carry around your failure like a scarlet letter. It should be a badge of honor; one that demonstrates you ventured a bold risk where others were too afraid or timid to take the chance. I didn’t pick up on this right away with my situation. After my rejection from business school I had legitimate thoughts about leaving school (I said this blog was about honesty right?), but I came to the realization that doing so would have defined me and who I was for sure. And I wasn’t about to let myself be known as the guy who threw in the towel because things didn’t go my way. Don’t be defined by your failure, rise above it and come back stronger.
• Failure changes the way you think. After my own failure I began to ask myself “now what?” Repeatedly asking myself this question made me alter my approach to my future, and ultimately alter the way I think. It’s very easy for us to become so absorbed in our own way of thinking. We rarely alter our mindset and can develop a bad case of tunnel vision. A failure can do wonders for you; it can remove you from the tunnel and provide you with a clear view of your options. Believe me, changing your approach to thinking about your strategy can result in gains you never thought possible.
• Failure is Antifragile. I said I had been reading a lot of Nassim Taleb. Reading Taleb’s book, Antifragile, I came to the understanding that the failure I was going through was Antifragile. My failure at getting into business school created quite a sense of resilience in me. Instead of being broken by my failure, I became stronger, more equipped, and certainly wiser. Failure, while a bit of a speed bump, ultimately helped my self-esteem and determination to succeed even more. I try my hardest to shy away from clichés, but in this case: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Failure can throw quite a wrench into our strategic planning (for life and business); turning things upside down. But, there’s no reason we cannot become stronger, more resilient from these events in our lives. I know everyone has, at some point in his or her life, experienced failure. It’s a matter of how we get back up and dust ourselves off that determines how successful our next plan is going to be. When experiencing a difficult obstacle or failure, there is no shame in asking for help, support, or sound advice on what to do next.
It is important to understand for yourself: Are you going to let failure define who you are? Are there important lessons to be learned from a failure you experienced? Are you going to become weaker, or stronger the next time you fail at something? The choices are yours, and, as always, I hope you make the choice to Grow Regardless.
