Last week was far from my best. On the same morning I received an unexpected email from a client terminating our engagement, I got a text from my Mom letting me know one of my brothers was in the hospital. All while I was helping one of my children arrange a leave of absence from college to focus on some more imminent life issues.
I also found out at the beginning of a client meeting that a member of their leadership team had his hands full with a personal matter. It was such that the business owner was inclined to unilaterally impose a leave of absence that would cause some significant organizational upset. In the words of the singer Adele: “When the rain is blowing in your face / And the whole world is on your case…”; I was just hoping for someone’s (figurative) “warm embrace.”
While I was totally ready to dive into my client’s issue, I had no idea if I should share, or even how to share, with any of my colleagues the weighty issues in my world. This raised the question in my mind of whether it makes sense for any of us to acknowledge the impact our personal lives have on our work. This question exists despite the fact the impact is unquestionable no matter how well we think we can compartmentalize, and is thus very relevant.
Though we increasingly talk about our colleagues as family, the tolerance differential was immediately apparent with my client who – while compassionate – was ready immediately to distance himself from the circumstance of his executive team member. This was prior even to having the full story. I suspected that the affected senior employee was unsure how to engage the owner in a conversation about a very personal matter and/or wanted to have more information on his end before doing so.
My circumstances were a bit different. Obviously, the client termination was public. Although I received the termination within a context where I had still earned significant credibility in an organization I’m relatively new to. The family matters – well – I just didn’t feel they were things I could, or wanted to, share. I’m still not sure who I could have spoken to about them, but upon reflection I should have spoken to someone. At least as a hedge or precursor to needing some help.
I’ve worked for many years to help develop top talent and drive extraordinary performance. I have regularly counseled leaders to give their people greater latitude and empower people to do everything they can to keep their sponsors in the loop. This is so important in order to avoid those benefactors being surprised down the road. That’s what it really boils down to: in business, nobody likes surprises. We’re not machines. As people, we are vulnerable to attacks on our emotional and physical selves. When we’re under attack, our focus and performance CAN slip.
Just as importantly, many organizations truly are committed to supporting us; but they can’t if we don’t allow them into our lives enough to know when and how. So, while we still have to deal with the nearer and longer term circumstances that cause us distraction and pain, we can and should consider bringing our colleagues up to date. Enough at least to avoid a surprise later, when circumstances may require us to seek help. Here are some thoughts about when, and how, to do this:
• For you, when—Calamity has a way of striking suddenly. Do your best to triage what’s going on and when you may need to taper back on work, or be absent. Depending on how quickly this might become clear, you can wait to know more before sharing, or you can give people a heads up that this may happen and when you’re likely to know. This is particularly important if your need to be absent, or less present, will follow getting more information quickly.
• To whom—This is trickier. Surely your immediate supervisor is a good call – and that person may direct you to others/other resources. I’d also include people most directly affected by your absence. Together, you can craft an action plan that may include client notification.
• How—The initial conversations are best had by phone or in person, when possible. If an email or text comes first, commit to a call or meeting soon after. Internally and with clients, striking a balance between sharing too little (ominous or at least mysterious in a way that invites speculation) and too much is key and can be a challenge. It’s helpful to have a sense of how long a circumstance may impose itself; and, if we don’t know, then perhaps when we can update people.
No one relishes being vulnerable. In fact, it usually sucks. Being alone…or feeling alone…is worse. And, when it puts your colleagues, your business, and your clients at some risk, it’s absolutely unacceptable. So, get your information together, trust your colleagues, and help to not only avoid surprises, but do way better than that by ensuring everyone gets what they need – including you!
Epilogue: The good news is that our client resolved his issue in a very positive way and is back at work at a critical time for his company. His boss really had no Plan B, so this outcome is particularly rewarding and fortunate. We’re still fired by our client – but on good terms. My brother did have a serious health matter, and his quick action allowed doctors to treat him and prevent something far worse. My wife and I are working with our child to develop and implement a plan of action to help them find their path to greater independence, health, and happiness.
Fingers crossed.