We’ve all heard the expression, “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it…” While there’s truth in that statement, the words we choose are very important, both in what they say to others and what they may say about us. I attended an event recently featuring best-selling author and branding expert, Sally Hogshead, at which she encouraged her audience to avoid “becoming human spam” by ensuring that we thoughtfully communicate in ways that add value. My effort here, then, is to do just that – add value by focusing on three primary areas of opportunity to strengthen your message through sincerity, clarity, and brevity; and honing your skills with a few simple adjustments.
In my work over the last decade with leaders at all levels, there’s no doubt in my mind that communication skills are THE single greatest asset or deficit that leaders possess. Communication skills encompass everything from time, place, and media chosen to share or receive information, to tone and volume, to the ability to listen effectively. And, of course, there’s your choice of words. Given that we all like to be effective when we share ideas and information with others, understanding how to better leverage these opportunities should be of interest to everyone.
• Sincerity – Let’s start with sincerity because effective communicators (and leaders) are, if nothing else, authentic. They mean what they say – or at least they appear to. You can err in many ways when sharing information and seeking to persuade others and still be heard if you’re credible. Lacking credibility, you’ve got no chance. Consider this carefully: unless or until you believe your own message, you may as well keep it to yourself. You can’t win, but you certainly can do harm – especially to your ability to ever effectively teach, inform, and persuade in the future.
• Clarity – There are a number of facets to clarity. I’m going to focus on word choice. Specifically, take care to use the most precise language you can. This precision includes being sure to use actual words (avoiding those that aren’t, such as “irregardless”), to use words closest to the meaning you intend (to get closer to something is to “home” in on it and to sharpen your focus or skill is to “hone” it); and – similar to resisting our hyperbolic urge – assert only what you can prove or at least credibly defend (“no one else does this” is likely hard to defend; “no one is more committed to this approach” is a statement of opinion that rings true). We have an affinity for hyperbole, and our tendency to overstate things makes it hard for us to create distinctions between information and guidance that is useful versus important versus urgent.
• Brevity – There’s an old adage in communication that advises us to, tell them what you’re going to say, tell them, and then tell them what you’ve said. While that construct has a time and place, everything from adult learning theory to detailed brain study tells us that helping one develop and implement his or her own solution is far more impactful than telling someone to do or believe something. So, the sooner you get to inviting questions and framing action, the sooner you’ll get to change or get to better. My advice then is simply to choose your preferred way of saying something and say it once, respecting your audience. If you are concerned about someone else’s comprehension, ask them what questions they have or ask them to say back what they’ve taken from your message.
To launch your behavior change around communication, my encouragement to all speakers, writers, and listeners is to value as many communication opportunities as you can, every day. A few accessible steps toward becoming an even more effective communicator include:
• Practice – Think about what you might say in a particular (likely to occur) situation and practice that… you’ll be amazed at: how likely you’ll have the opportunity to use what you’ve practiced; how much more likely you are to say what you want/mean.
• Listen – Commit to doing nothing else in at least one conversation per day, but focus on hearing what the other person is saying (in other words, do NOT begin planning what you’ll say next… unless it’s to repeat what you heard or what you’re understanding the person to be feeling or wanting).
• Refrain – Eliminate at least one adjective from your statements in writing or orally (do without one “great” or “truly” or “-est”… you can do it!). Be patient and stingy with your superlatives and people will value them so much more.
What you say does, indeed, make a difference. Please join me in this effort to be much more effective through what you say by being genuine, being clear, and being brief.
Jeff Lesher, Principal at entreQuest, blends his deep knowledge of organization design, human capital, and leadership with a pragmatic approach drawn from his own business experience and eQ's philosophy to help eQ's clients focus on their core purpose and move people effectively to action.
